The Things I Miss This Summer

• Traveling: I miss exploring new places and the stupid feeling one gets when he finds himself in the middle of a city he doesn't know. The mystery that is left to be uncovered. The feelings that stir the unexpected. I always feel like I am in a perpetual state of becoming. I know myself better as a swarm than an entity. 
• Friends: I feel separated from friends. Not sure how to relate to someone anymore. Not sure what I am in relation to others. Not sure where discussion leads if not deeper into our intentions and ambitions. Not sure if I ever will be able to figure out how to be a whole, and how to relate this whole to others. 
• Reading: I do read some things here and there, but it's nowhere close to how much I used to read in college. I don't have much patience with long novels that swirl around the unsaid and leave you to find your way out of labyrinth by yourself without the ever-present tug of golden intricacies. I don't even have much patience with technical works since they require me to stop browsing in my mind and concentrate on a single idea. I feel a bit lost in text in general. 
• Consciousness: The presence of the world is missing from every day activity of living. There is still some meaning, but I hardly care about its weight. 
• Driving: Just going off for a second or a day. Feeling productive and yet mundane. Nothing compares to the calm of driving when I don't have to make a single new decision because I am already trapped in one made prior.
• City: Nights to be danced through. Lights to be left behind. Life to be wasted. Hot food to be smelled and desired. Coffeeshops everywhere, where tea and familiarity with the generic can be enjoyed. Conversations to be witnessed and broken off. Arguments to be forgotten. And touches to be kept in between the two of us. 
• Emotions: I miss feeling. I miss being passionate and lost in an emotion and not in a useless thought. I miss standing up for something, arguing my point inappropriately, laughing carelessly, crying carefully, and feeling full of opposing forces.